


Time And Again

by cadkitten



Category: LUNA SEA, X JAPAN
Genre: Affection, Companions, Fate, Frottage, Loss, M/M, Mutual Masturbation, reiki, spiritual healing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-19
Updated: 2016-12-19
Packaged: 2018-09-09 17:07:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8900782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cadkitten/pseuds/cadkitten
Summary: His entire world narrowed to find only this man, this man he'd fallen for time and again, and he knew that the time to deny was long past. There was no sense in fighting it, no point in trying to walk away. Not now and not ever again.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [HamHamHeaven](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HamHamHeaven/gifts).



> For all the shit you've put up with being my editor over this past year, I thank you. I know we've probably put your patience on trial with that fic - trust me, I'd be frustrated - but know that you're deeply appreciated.   
> Song[s]: "You Lost Me" by Christina Aguilera

Yoshiki settled his champagne glass on the hand-knitted coaster that rested atop his baby grand. He pushed a hand through his hair, biting back a wince at just how much his shoulder and arm hurt at the action. He lowered his hand and rolled his shoulder, hearing the sickly pop that accompanied the motion, closing his eyes against the way they wanted to narrow out of the _pain_ that lanced through his muscles and ligaments. 

The slightest whiff of sandalwood greeted him a moment before hands came to rest on his shoulders, their weight somehow a relief when even the air around him was anything but. Leaning back into the touch, Yoshiki allowed his lips to curve into the smallest of smiles. "Always know when I'm in pain, don't you?"

Sugizo shifted closer behind him, his knee brushing the back of Yoshiki's thigh as he began to work on his sore muscles in the most gentle of ways. "It radiates from you." His fingers stilled once they reached bare skin and Yoshiki could feel Sugizo concentrating on his breath, his hands warming as he poured himself into the spiritual healing that he believed so heavily in. 

Yoshiki hadn't quite come to terms with it, but he couldn't deny that - at times - there had been results when nothing else would work; nights wherein everything hurt so much he could barely breathe and no amount of pain killers touched it and the sincerest touch of Sugizo's hand's _had_. 

The first night it had happened, he had found himself in genuine disbelief and the second he had started to force himself to ask questions. Now, it was just a piece of the puzzle that was Sugizo, something more that Yoshiki _accepted_. 

Sugizo's left hand moved further onto his back, his right shifting down to a place that didn't even hurt and _that_ was always how Yoshiki understood it would probably help. The days when Sugizo's attention to detail pulled him in the proper direction, showed him where the pain was coming from rather than where it was manifesting. He'd explained it to him once upon a time - the way he was guided toward the pain, the way those areas _felt_ different in regards to their energy, something he could draw himself in on and aid the universe in fixing. 

Something twinged in his shoulder and he gasped as the whole arm relaxed from its previously pent-up position, a modicum of relief following swiftly behind. He gave a shudder and he felt Sugizo's palms brushing the air over him, felt the ease of his _stress_ in a way he couldn't connect with _truth_ , but forged in _trust_ instead. 

He heard the whispered words of prayer and thanks and then Sugizo's arms were around his waist, his breath warm against his ear as he came _so close_ to kissing him.

This was where the danger of this fucked up game they played came into existence. Yoshiki wanted Sugizo and the feeling was more than mutual; but there were pieces of the past that held them both back, that kept them from breaching the final barriers of this fragile thing they had forged. Yoshiki had made a mistake once in his past, had attached himself to someone he had worked with. He felt the bitter sting of loss every single time he'd tried to form a relationship since then, had felt _cursed_ to a certain extent because of it, and the last thing he wanted was to pass that on to Sugizo. 

Sugizo had been through his fair share of tragedy in the realms of love and loss. He'd danced the line of _having_ only to have it taken from him in a whole other way than Yoshiki. The pain was no less, the infliction no less raw, and the wounds no less open. 

And yet...

Some things would never change. No matter how many times they came to this point, no matter how many times they parted and placed a certain distance between them in order to try to pull away from one another, it _never_ worked. Months back together would draw them right back to the same point, place them in the same position time and again, to the point that Yoshiki nearly felt _compelled_ to find out where this would take them, regardless of what it could break.

Just enough of the champagne swirled in his system, just enough of the comfortable fog of the first drink in ages pushed into his mind and _for once_ , the threw caution to the wind. For the first time in all of this giant mess they'd been calling _friendship_ , he turned the tables. Easing back against Sugizo's chest, he closed his eyes and tipped his head back, the arm that didn't cause him utter pain lifting to allow him to curl his fingers in Sugizo's hair, to guide him until their lips met-

-and it was _hungry_ ; seeping with desperation of something too-long denied. What should have been gentle, should have been cautious and exploring, instead became urgent and _rough_. Their tongues met almost before their lips did. They tasted more than they kissed, explored more than anything. 

When Sugizo turned him, Yoshiki knew he'd been expecting that as well, and when he was guided - oh so carefully - to the plushness of his couch, he couldn't say there was any surprise in that either. Rather, he sank back on it, allowed himself to become an _invitation_ for what they'd both desperately needed, _wanted_ all these years. 

Perhaps he should have been somehow afraid of how quickly things were progressing, should have been in shock at _easily_ Sugizo had him just where he wanted him, _but he wasn't_. 

Even as Sugizo's mouth claimed him - _warm and inviting_ \- he didn't find surprise in it. He only tangled his hand in Sugizo's hair, held onto the silky strands as he did his best to maintain what little composure he had left. His back didn't arch, his hips didn't thrust, but every muscle in his thighs remained tensed, and every _movement_ gained him something just a little further euphoria. 

Time and again, he verged on what he needed, on what every single fiber of his being _wanted_ , and was denied. 

Sugizo brought him higher than he'd ever known he could go from this simple act, showed him what the meaning of _caring_ was through only the slide of his lips, the slip of his tongue, and the way his hands so reverently _explored_. 

The quiet clink of a belt being opened told him all he needed to know about what else was happening, gave him an image without the world actually supplying it to him, and he accepted it with something tantamount to _greed_ , horded away the information as a starving man would _food_.

Cool air ghosted over his slick flesh for an instant and then Sugizo's weight was there, his _heat_ pressed against Yoshiki's own, his fingers caressing in a way that Yoshiki hadn't been certain was _possible _until that instant.__

__His own fingers found and _gripped_ , clung to fabric and bone as he shuddered so hard he _shook_. Fire burned in his veins and he swore the world flickered before his eyes as the coil tightened, so _prepared_ to snap that he was terrified it would happen before it was meant to._ _

__His last coherent thought was of how something could feel so _right_ in this world that had been so full of only pain and loss, and then he was _floating_ , lifted into another plane of existence as his orgasm raced through him. Distantly, he heard himself moaning, felt his body coming undone, but mostly he felt _free_ for the first time in so very long. _ _

__He came back to himself only to feel Sugizo tense over him, to feel the last few strokes of his hand over them both, and then his warmth was joining Yoshiki's own, pooling on his abdomen, trailing over his hip and _down_ , and for that instant all he could see was _Sugizo_. His entire world narrowed to find only this man, this man he'd fallen for _time and again_ , and he knew that the time to deny was long past. _ _

__There was no sense in fighting it, no point in trying to walk away. Not now and not _ever again_. _ _

__For the first time in so many years, everything slid into place. Maybe his pain would remain, maybe his heart would forever be shattered in one regard, and maybe the nightmares would never fade. But he'd found something _else_ , someone _else_ to soothe an age-old ache inside of him. _ _

__It wasn't about sex, it never had been. Maybe it wasn't even about _love_ , perhaps not in the traditional sense of the word, but it was about something bigger than each of them, about whatever _both of them_ became when they were in the same room. It was about Sugizo's hands soothing away his aches. It was about how he could light up Sugizo's face in an instant by simply _existing_. It was how they could sit for hours in silence and still feel more complete than they had beforehand. It was about this _magic_ that they created between them and it was about _never giving up_. _ _

__Some things were meant to _merge_ and everything told Yoshiki that this was nothing but the truth for them. He and Sugizo were simply _meant to be_._ _


End file.
